Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
