good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
