Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
