If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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