last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
