So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
