hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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