fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
