i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
