I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
