i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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