Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
