Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
