he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
