I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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