Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize