Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
