I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
