so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
