so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
