I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
