Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
