He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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