Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
