My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
