Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
