So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize