I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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