lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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