I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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