Someone shit on the floor
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
