I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
