It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wish there were birth control emojis
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
