so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
