he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
