yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
