All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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