this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
