i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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