Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
