the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
