OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
