My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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