I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
