My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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