final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
