Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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