This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
