i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
