I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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