Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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