I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
