don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
