I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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