Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
