overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
