i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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