Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
