i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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