She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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