16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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