She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
