id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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