She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize