I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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