there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
