i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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