I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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