just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
