So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
