I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
