she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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