Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You left your phone here
Wait...
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