What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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