Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
