I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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