Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize