There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
