I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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