i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
