It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
